Marriage is one of the most important decisions after your decision to live for God. This study basically aims to understand God’s heart for believers’ marriage.

A. Marriage is God’s work

God established marriage in the Garden of Eden. God created male and female. He joins a male and female in marriage. So, marriage is completely a work of God (Matthew 19:4-6).

B. God’s heart for marriage

If God joins a male and female in marriage and marriage is a work of God, then we need to understand what God expects in a marriage from us. Believers should not marry a person who is worshipping idols. In other words, believers should marry only a believer. This fact we can understand from the following passages:

  1. Abraham insisted that his servant should not get a wife from the Canaanites for his son Isaac because the Canaanites were worshipping idols and they did not believe the living God (Genesis 24:1-8).
  2. Isaac, son of Abraham, also followed the same principle of Abraham about marriage, that is, “do not marry a Canaanite woman” (Genesis 28:6-8).
  3. God also prohibits marrying a person who is not a follower of the real God. We should not intermarry with nonbelievers because a nonbelieving partner can lead us into idol worship, which will bring the anger of God upon us (Deuteronomy 7:1-6). Exodus 34:14-16 says, “Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land; for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you, and you will eat their sacrifices. And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same” (NIV).

C. Why we should not marry a nonbeliever?

Lifetime defeat

Marrying a nonbeliever may lead you to a lifetime defeat in your spiritual and other areas of life. This is very clear in Joshua 23:7-13. If the Israelites, the chosen people of God, intermarried with nonbelievers from their surrounding nations, then:

  • God would no longer fight for the Israelites against their enemies (v.13).
  • If they intermarried, their enemies or life partners from other nations, who were worshipping idols, could become a snare, trap, whips, and thorns to their lives (v.13), leading them to ultimate destruction (v.13).
  • Similarly, if a born-again believer marries a nonbeliever, such a marriage can lead the believer into a lifetime defeat in spiritual and even other areas of life.

A cause for backsliding

Our spiritual immunity can be lost when we live with a nonbeliever husband or wife. This happened to Solomon. He saw God directly. God blessed him with tremendous wisdom. He wrote biblical books, Proverbs, Song of Songs, and Ecclesiastes. He saw God’s glory as a cloud when he offered sacrifices to God. Such a godly person as Solomon went away from God because of his wives, who were worshippers of idols and other gods.

  • Solomon broke the commandment of God when he married women from other nations who were not followers of the real God (1 Kings 11:2, 10). Ezra says that anyone who marries a nonbeliever tramples down the word of God (Ezra 9:4).
  • His wives, who worshipped other gods, led him astray (1 Kings 11:3).
  • His unbelieving wives from other faiths turned Solomon’s heart to other gods, and consequently, his heart was not fully devoted to the living God (1 Kings 11:4).
  • Because he turned away from the living God through his unbelieving partner, God punished his generations by dividing his kingdom (1 Kings 11:11). It exactly happened to Solomon’s generation, as described in 1 Kings 12.
  • Solomon sinned against God by marrying unbelievers (Nehemiah 13:26).
  • Solomon’s sinful act of marrying unbelievers and going astray from God is called “terrible wickedness” and “being unfaithful to God” in Nehemiah 13:27. If we marry a nonbeliever, it is unfaithful to God. Ezra also says that anyone who marries a nonbeliever is unfaithful to God (Ezra 9:2).

Fundamental spiritual incompatibility

There are different fundamental spiritual incompatibilities between a believer and a nonbeliever. This spiritual incompatibility between a believer and a nonbeliever is another reason why a believer should not marry a nonbeliever.

  • In 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1, Paul clearly states that there is fundamental incompatibility between believers and nonbelievers in the areas of commonalities in life (vv.14,15), fellowship that develops in a relationship (v.14), and the harmony and agreement between lives (vv.15,16). The Bible calls the body of a born-again believer and the church as the temple of God (1 Cor 6:19; 2 Cor 6:16). Thus, the temple of God should be separated from unbelievers because of unholy spiritual incompatibilities (v.17). Because of these spiritual incompatibilities, God says two important things in this passage to all believers:
    • Do not be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Cor 6:14).
    • Be separated from unbelievers (2 Cor 6:17). Even though 2 Cor 6:14-18 does not directly say, “do not marry a nonbeliever,” it gives a clear indication that a believer should not associate with a nonbeliever in relationships such as marriage. This fundamental incompatibility is very much evident in Ezra 9, where Ezra says that intermarriage leads to mixing a holy generation with an unholy generation, and such an act is unfaithful to God. Such sins trample the word of God.
  • A nonbeliever is spiritually dead in transgressions and sins (Eph 2:1), influenced by the kingdom of darkness (Eph 2:2). Because of this, a nonbeliever always wants to gratify his sinful desires and character (Eph 2:3). A nonbeliever is heading to hell under the control of Satan. However, a born-again believer is a new creation in Christ, with a new nature or the nature of the Spirit (Rom 8:1-16; Gal 5:16-26), which is in contrast or conflict with the sinful nature. A believer is heading to heaven under the control of the Holy Spirit. Thus, there is a fundamental spiritual incompatibility between a believer and a nonbeliever in the area of spiritual position, nature, destiny, and spiritual power working in them.

Children may go away from God

One of the purposes of marriage, according to God’s heart, is to develop godly offspring (Mal 2:14-15). However, marrying a nonbeliever may cause children to go away from God (Deut 7:3-4).

Conclusion: God, the creator, joins a male and female in marriage. It is God’s job. God’s heart for marriage is that a believer should not marry an unbeliever (a person who does not believe in Jesus with a born-again experience) or a person worshipping idols.

Sam Lal K S