Biblical Understanding of Marriage

1. God’s role in marriage

· God is the founder of the institution of marriage.

Genesis 2.22: Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

· We derive our family name from God the Father.

Ephesians 3:14-15: ¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.

· God joins a man and woman in marriage; therefore, no one has the authority to separate a married partner. Divorce is not allowed in Christian marriage except on the grounds of marital unfaithfulness of a partner.

Matthew 19:5-9: ⁵ and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." ⁷ "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" ⁸ Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. ⁹ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

1 Corinthians 7.27: Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.

· Marriage is a lifelong covenantal relationship and each partner is bound to each other until death and if any partner marries another one when his or her partner is alive commits adultery.

Romans 7:1-6 ² For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. ³ So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.

· Wife is a favor from God

Proverbs 18:22: He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

· Lord is the witness between husband and wife. God united them into one in order to bring up godly offspring.

Malachi 2:14-15 You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. ¹⁵ Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

2. What is marriage according to the Bible?

· Marriage is a covenant.

· What is covenant?

A covenant is an agreement between two parties where a personal relationship is established. There are differences between a covenant and a contract. Paul E. Palmer offers a helpful clarification of the difference between the two:

§ Contracts engage the services of people; covenants engage persons.

§ Contracts are made for a stipulated period of time; covenants are forever.

§ Contracts can be broken, with material loss to the contracting parties; covenants cannot be broken, but if violated, they result in personal loss and broken hearts. .

§ Contracts are witnessed by people with the state as guarantor; covenants are witnessed by God with God as guarantor. (Paul E. Palmer, "Christian Marriage: Contract or Covenant?" Theological Studies vol. 33, no. 4 (December 1972): 639.)

· Marriage is not agreement, contract, or convenience.

3. Key biblical concepts about marital life

What are the three important concepts about marriage in Gen 2.20-25?

Genesis 2:20-25 ²⁰ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. ²¹ So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. ²³ The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, 'for she was taken out of man." ²⁴ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. ²⁵ The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Answer :…………………………..,……………………………,……………………...

a) Aspects of Leaving

· Priority change

· New family: The significance of the language “leave” is that marriage involves a new pledge to a spouse in which former familial commitments are superseded. Marriage requires a new priority by the marital partners where obligations to one’s spouse supplant a person’s parental loyalties.

· Leaving Dependency on parents as children: financial, emotional, authority, relational attachment

· Limiting parental interference in marriage

· Leaving parents’ attitudes and influences

· Leaving behind the inner wounds and hurts of our childhood

b) Aspects of cleaving to the wife

· Compatibility: Adam was single, suitable helper, taken out from man for man

· Attachment: my ribs and my flesh (not single married)

· Total, exclusive and growing Commitment: Also marriage involves the two united in commitment; two parties are bound by stipulations, forming a new entity or relationship. The two people, although freed from their parents, are not isolated or independent; they become dependent and responsible toward one another.

· Developing understanding and adjusting each other

· Intimacy: close in acquaintance, close in relationship, close knowledge and familiarity, transparency, celebrating sexual life

c) Aspects of one flesh

· One functional unit

· Sexual union

H. C. Leupold explains that becoming one flesh "involves the complete identification of one personality with the other in a community of interests and pursuits, a union consummated in intercourse." H. C. Leupold, Exposition of Genesis 2 vols. (Grand Rapids, 1942), vol. 1, p. 137.

Biblical view on Sex and marriage

i. Sex is God’s gift and it is pure

Genesis 1:27 ²⁷ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:31 ³¹ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning-- the sixth day.

ii. One of the purposes of sex in marriage is procreation

Malachi 2:15 ¹⁵ Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. Genesis 1:27-28 ²⁷ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. ²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.

iii. Sex outside marriage is sin: premarital and extramarital sex

iv. Marriage is to prevent sexual immorality.

1 Corinthians 7:1-12 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. ² But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. ³ The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. ⁵ Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

⁹ But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. ¹⁰ To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.

· We marry to prevent sexual immorality (vv.1-2)

· Husband and wife have a marital duty (v.3)

· Both should be willing for a physical relationship in mutual consent (v.4)

· Do not separate without mutual consent : time together will prevent temptation (v.5; 9-10)

v. Marriage bed should be pure

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

· Marriage is honorable in public

· Marriage bed should be pure: Influence of pornography, lust

· There should not be adultery

vi. Partners are expected to satisfy each other physically

Proverbs 5:18-21 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. ¹⁹ A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. ²⁰ Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? ²¹ For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths.

· Rejoice in the wife of your youth (v.18)

· Let the wife’s love and physical relation satisfy the husband rather than another woman (vv.19-21)

Song of Solomon 1:2
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.

Song of Solomon 2:16
My lover is mine, and I am his.

Song of Solomon 4:10
How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!

4. roles of husband and wife

i. Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." ³² This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

· Wife should submit to husband as to the Lord (v.21): This submission is compared to our submission to God. When we submit to God, he will never exploit us rather God will take care of us.

· Husband is the head (v.23): It is compared to the headship of Christ over the church. The headship of the husband is based on the headship of Christ. This does not allow a husband to oppress or exploit her wife. Headship of husband simply means godly leadership.

· Husband should love wife as Christ loved us (v.25) –self-sacrificing love

· Husband should love the wife as he loves himself (v.28): feed and care (v.29)

· Leave, unite and one flesh (v.31)

· Wife must respect her husband (v.33)

ii. 1 Peter 3:1-8

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ² when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. ⁴ Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶ like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. ⁷ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. ⁸ Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

· Wife expects to be submissive (v.1)

· Wife needs purity, reverence (v.2)

· The real beauty of a wife does not come from outward beauty rather than from inner beauty (vv3-4)

· Obeying husband (v.5)

· Husband should be considerate to wife (v.7)

· Husband should treat wife with respect and should not create any conflict that can hinder prayer (v.7)

· Live in harmony, sympathetic, compassionate, and humble (v.8)

iii. 1 Corinthians 11:1-13

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. ² I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the teachings, just as I passed them on to you. ³ Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God

⁸ For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; ⁹ neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. ¹⁰ For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head. ¹¹ In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. ¹² For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.

· Man is head of woman under the headship of Christ (vv.1-3)

· Man and woman are mutually interdependent (vv.8-12)

iv. 1 Corinthians 7.27-35:

²⁷ Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. ²⁸ But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

³² I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs-- how he can please the Lord. ³³ But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-- how he can please his wife-- ³⁴ and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world-- how she can please her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

· If you are married, do not seek divorce (v. 27)

· Married will face troubles (v.28)

· Married people are concerned and devoted to their partner that should not divide their commitment to God (vv.32-35)

v. Proverbs 21.9; 19

Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

· It is difficult for a partner to live with a quarrelsome partner

vi. Proverbs 19:13-15

¹³ A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. ¹⁴ Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. ¹⁵ Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry.

· Quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping (v.3)

· Prudent wife from God (v.14)

vii. Proverbs 31:10-31

¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. ¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. ¹² She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. ¹³ She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. ¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. ¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. ¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. ¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. ¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. ¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. ²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. ²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. ²² She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. ²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. ²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. ²⁶ She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. ²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. ²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ²⁹ "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." ³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. ³¹ Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

· Wife with a noble character is more precious than rubies (v.10)

· Husband will have confidence in a wife of noble character (v.11)

THE NOBLE CHARACTERISTICS OF A WIFE

· She brings goodness to her husband (v.12)

· She will work hard for prosperity (v.13)

· She takes care of the family affairs (vv.14-15)

· She administers finance wisely (vv.16-20)

· She takes care of herself with good dressing (vv.22-25)

· She speaks with wisdom (v.26)

· She should have fear of the Lord (v.30)

· She is worthy to be praised by her husband, children and the entire city (vv28-31)

viii. Mark 12:24-25

Jesus replied, "Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God? ²⁵ When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.

· Know that you are given out in marriage

ix. Deuteronomy 24:5

If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

· Husband should bring happiness to his wife

x. Ecclesiastes 4:9-14

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: ¹⁰ If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! ¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? ¹² Though one may be o/verpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. ¹³ Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to take warning. ¹⁴ The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom.

· Two are better than one

· Two can do more things

Further readings in this blog:

Biblical Understanding of Marriage

Four Foundations of Marriage

Un-Equally Yoked: Can a Christian marry a non-Christian or an unbeliever?

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