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Four Foundations of Marriage
Therefore
a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they
shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24, ESV).
1.
What is marriage?
· Marriage
is about a man and a woman joined together to become one (Mt. 19:5-9).
·
It is a relationship of increasing intimacy and growing
interdependency.
·
It is a lifelong covenantal relationship. God is
the witness for this relationship (Mal. 2:14-15).
2.
Four Foundations
·
God is the founder and designer of marriage
(Gen.2.22).
·
If God starts something, He intends it to be
successful.
·
If He starts something, he also gives keys to us
to be successful.
2.1 Giving Priority to Your Spouse
“…a
man shall leave his father and his mother… hold fast to his wife…” ” Gen. 2:24
·
Marriage creates a new family.
·
The significance of the language “leave” is that
marriage involves a new pledge to a spouse in which former familial commitments
are superseded. Marriage requires a new priority by the marital partners where
obligations to one’s spouse supplant a person’s parental loyalties.
· After God, you need to make your spouse your
priority on a daily basis.
Ways to Express Priority
a)Sacrifice: I need to give up many things for my
spouse.
b) Time: You need to give time to your spouse. Electronic
gadgets intrude on our lives and take a massive place. Our Indian work in culture
in a cooperate setting is very hectic. We should not allow anyone to intrude.
c)
Energy: Putting
all your energy into hobbies and activities outside the home rather than into
the marriage.
d) Determined
choice
·
Attitude: I want to be with you.
·
There are good things that can destroy our marriage.
·
Children: they are temporary assignments. When
you lead a wonderful marital life, your children will have a good example.
e) Honoring the everyday commitment
2.2
Marriage is Oneness of Wife and Husband Through Sharing
Genesis
2:24 “…. they shall become one flesh.” (ESV)
·
“One flesh” means husband and wife to be made “one
properly united person.”
·
Two people united but in appearance only one
person is visible. It does not mean that individual identity is lost. Rather,
areas of differences were reduced and commonality increased through sharing.
·
Husband and wife are a single functional unit.
Companionship, agreement, complementing, unity, cooperativeness, and support are
integral parts of this relationship.
o Finance
o Decision
making
o Children
o All
family affairs
- It shows intimacy – “into-me-see.” We need a high level of transparency, trust, and openness.
- Giving is central to the practical side of the marriage.
- Dominance destroys our marriage. Jesus is the boss of our marriage.
- Independence and selfishness destroy our marriage.
- Secret pockets are dangerous zones. Secrets breed mistrust.
- The unique thing that we share in our marriage is our body. Sexual intimacy is only allowed in marriage.
2. 3. Nurturing One Another
a. Understand
and Accept your spouse as they are.
·
Foundation of unconditional acceptance is that
“You are not me and I am not you.”
·
One of the helpful things to understand one
another is to understand the personality traits of your partner. This will help
you to understand the overall pattern of behavioral trends.[1]
Personality Traits
|
Facets
|
Extraversion
|
Friendliness,
Gregariousness, Assertiveness, Activity Level, Excitement - Seeking,
Cheerfulness
|
Agreeableness
|
Trust,
Morality, Altruism, Cooperation, Modesty, Sympathy
|
Conscientiousness
|
Self-efficacy,
Orderliness, Dutifulness, Achievement-Striving, Self-discipline, Cautiousness
|
Neuroticism
|
Anxiety,
Anger, Depression, Selfconsciousness, Immoderation, Vulnerability
|
Openness
to Experience
|
Imagination,
Artistic Interests, Emotionality, Adventurousness, Intellect, Liberalism
|
b. Understanding
Needs and Meeting Needs
Top
Four Needs of Men and Women
|
|
Men
|
Women
|
Honour
and Respect
|
Security
|
Sex
|
Non-sexual
Affection
|
Friendship
|
Communication
|
Friendly
Home
|
Need
Husband as a Leader
|
Exercise:
Read the role of husband and wife and write down how those roles could be
connected to your spouse's needs.
Role of Husband
|
Need of Wife
|
Love your wife: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved
the church and gave himself up for her, (ESV) Ephesians 5:25
If a man has recently married, he must not be
sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free
to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.
Deuteronomy 24:5
|
|
Nourish and Cherish: For no one ever
hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the
church, (ESV) Ephesians 5:29
|
|
Head: For the husband is the head of
the wife, and Christ also is the head of the church, being himself the
saviour of the body. (ASV) Ephesians 5:23
|
|
Honour: Likewise, husbands, live with
your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker
vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your
prayers may not be hindered. (ESV) 1 Peter 3:7
|
|
Physical needs: For the wife does not
have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband
does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (ESV) 1
Corinthians 7:4
|
|
Role of Wife
|
Need of Man
|
Love:
and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
(ESV) Titus 2:4
|
|
Respect your husband: However, let each one of you love his wife
as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV)
Ephesians 5:33
|
|
Submit : Wives, submit to your
husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (ESV) Colossians 3:18
|
|
Maintain a gentle spirit: 4
but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
(ESV) 1 Peter 3:4
Proverbs 31:10-31
|
|
Physical relationship: For the wife
does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the
husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (ESV) 1
Corinthians 7:4
|
|
Help:
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone;
I will make him a helper fit for him.” (ESV) Genesis 2:18
|
|
4. Loving one another
- We are created to receive love and give love.
- Love is the goal of marriage. In other words, the goal of marriage is intimate connection, not distance.
- The opposite of love is fear. When there is fear in a relationship, people will go the mode of fight, flight or freeze. The goal of all these three responses is distance.
- Love will not thrive in the atmosphere of control. The fact is that you cannot control anyone except yourself. Therefore, the priority in our relationship is to protect our loving connection.
- The greatest need of everyone is love. When you do not get love, you feel rejected and consequently, you may want to respond to your spouse in a punishing tone.
- The source of love is God, not our spouse.
- God’s love is supernaturally able to do what a human love can’t do.
- As we receive God’s love in our hearts, we can give more love to others.
- Love is not love until you give it away.
- If there is no God’s love in our hearts, we may
not have tenderness.
[1]
Do not forget that we born-again Christians have a transformed life that
reflects the character of Christ.
Further readings:
Other readings: